Picture a wasteland landscape, fit with all the typical essentials: a dusty rough ground, an absence of life or vegetation of any sort, plateaus and mountains scattered about, clear blue skies with only the rarest of clouds, and a twelve o'clock sun burning the air.
Atop the edge of a two hundred foot plateau stood Vefifar Ravif, picture him thus: The most handsome aristocrat you've ever seen, his long and permed sky blue hair flowing in the wind, his charming blues eyes complemented his deceptive and eager smile, his pale and peachy skin mirrored the sun's glory off him, his clothing was that of long black leather pants, fancy black boots strapped to his feet, a dark blue blouse snug across his chest and upper arms, beneath that was a frilly white shirt that sleeved over his lower arms, black leather fingerless gloves covered his delicate hands, he moved his long bangs back with his left hand, and sipped wine from a glass with his right hand.
Now zoom into that lone figure standing far below on the ground, his name was Grakt-Alka. His eyes were fiery, extremely fiery, like the raging inferno of hell itself. His aggressive breathing revealed that he barely could contain the burning passion underneath his calm exterior. He was dressed only in some raggedy cloths: a small sleeveless tunic, baggy pants, a belt, and nothing more. His hair was brown and messy, his skin a darkish and dirty red, he was scrawny yet muscular, and along his arms were a series of tattoos shaped in bizarre patterns.
Each individual stared at the other, one with an aloof disposition of arrogance, the other a gaze of sheer contempt. Vefifar Ravif took another sip of his wine, then spoke,
"My my, you're certainly a rebellious little fighter aren't you, coming all this way to fight me." said Vefifar, his heavenly and masculine voice carried all the way through the mountainous area.
Grakt-Alka said nothing, did not move, did not blink, did not even grunt nor flinch nor snarl. Vefifar only chuckled at a bit from the silent retort.
"What's the matter? Don't tell me you can't fathom a witty piece of banter to my assertion? Or perhaps, you're just amazed by my beautiful demeanor, so awestruck that you can't speak at all, oh how cruel! Maybe my charisma, is just too much for your feeble mind to handle, is that it? Well?"
There was only further silence from Grakt-Alka.
"Not even a word? You do know I enchanted my voice so that it carries through this wretched terrain? I know you can hear me. Are you simply ignoring me? How rude! To show such foulness, it's of such bad taste that it actually leaves a bitter aftertaste within my mouth. Come now, say something, a declaration of war, an insult, a dramatic back-story of your life, please, something to which I can remember you by . . . or maybe, you shouldn't say anything at all! Yes that would work perfectly! You can be that 'quiet one', that lone, romantic individual who speaks nothing yet makes the world quake beneath his feet with sheer willpower alone! Oh! It sends chills through my spine! Yes quiet hero say nothing, oh silent one!"
"My name is Grakt-Alka." said the quiet person.
"Oh . . . how disappointing, you spoke. There goes my quiet hero, away with the wind like a capricious bird. Damn, and I really was hoping for such an opponent, they don't come often you know. Wait . . . maybe this is fine, I mean if I see this through an optimistic lens, I at least have an identity by which I can establish you! When I inform my acquaintances of this magnificent battle that proved me the victor, I can at least gloat the greatness of my enemy's name, Grakt-Alka. Oh how wonderful it sounds!"
Vefifar threw his glass of wine to the ground, and it shattered to pieces.
"Prepare yourself Grakt-Alka, you mysterious warrior, you've awakened the wrath of a god, one who will not show mercy in his bloodlust and ferocity! Go unleash your power! So that we gods of the multiverse may engage a grand and epic duel!"
The tattoos on Grakt-Alka glowed green when he yelled his war cry, and the very ground shook violently. From the ground, elemental humanoid constructs emerged, yelling the same war cry as Grakt-Alka. Approximately ten were generated, and in a matter of moments were already climbing up the wall of the plateau. Vefifar grinned as he held his right hand out toward the climbing elementals advancing towards his position, and he said the words "Murus Negatio". From various places on the lower walls of the plateau emerged bluish walls that blocked the scattered elementals. Bluish hands emerged from these flat walls and grabbed the elementals, making the process of climbing up more difficult for them. Grakt-Alka summoned more of elementals, so that the elementals outnumbered the walls and some were able to continue climbing.
"What, did you foolish cretins honestly believe that was the only trick I had up my sleeve!? Abiectus!" said Vefifar.
Suddenly then a swift wind blew from the sky toward the climbing path of the elementals. It knocked many of the elementals farther back down the side of the plateau and others to the ground completely. Grakt-Alka summoned a dozen more and they marched up the side of the plateau eventually overwhelming the small number of bluish walls.
"Oh my! We cannot have that at all, Proieci Tenebris Draculorum!" said Vefifar.
From those words black portals opened from the sky and five jet black drakes flew from them. They flew down to the elementals and intercepted them, attacking with their sharp talons and spiny teeth. The elementals had no trouble at all killing the drakes and sending their corpses to the ground.
"Proieci Tenebris Draculorum Ter!" said Vefifar.
Fifteen drakes now flew from portals and down towards the side of the plateau to intercept the elementals. Grakt-Alka held his hands up, and cast forth a spell; it radiated green mana from his hands in a wave over his elementals, each one grew double in size and strength.
"Oh we can't be having any of that now! Pulla Adipiscing!" said Vefifar waving his left hand.
A sharp beam of purple mana shot through the air and throughout the bodies of the elementals, reversing the effects of the growth spell.
"What a shame, victory lured so close yet was so fleeting. Please entertain me with your next grand feat!" said Vefifar.
Grakt-Alka summoned forth even more elementals from the earth, and each of them proceeded to climb the plateau. Vefifar ceaselessly continued to divert more and more of them away, as Grakt-Alka summoned even more of them.
"Oh my! This is truly turning into a glorious battle of power! Your seething ambition and rage have even me shaking inside with excitement! Ah yes so exciting! Summon more of them! Give me a challenge worthy of my ability! Unleash every inch of your raw fury and I shall show you my most deceitful potential! Let's create a battle that will frighten all mortals throughout the multiverse, no! Even planeswalkers will tremble before our might! Is this not-
"Shut up!!!!!!" interrupted Grakt-Alka.
Grakt-Alka sent even more elementals to the raging battle on the side of the plateau, but Vefifar only smirked as he held both hands over the battle, each one glowing with a mix of blue, red, and black mana.
" Ego dominari, Regus I, Vicerit me, Sum magistrum dominantur super renes mentium, Tempero re fortunam, ultimatum tyrannus!"
At that moment the mana around the hands of Vefifar swarmed out through all the elementals and their eyes turned a light shade of purple. Each one turned around, back down the original path and towards Grakt-Alka. They overwhelmed and tackled him as he attempted to regain control, flashes of red mana radiated through the crowd, then there was an explosion of red mana and a cloud of dust engulfed the air. Vefifar teleported himself down to the area and cast forth a spell that generated a sword which he held in his left hand. He walked to what was now the battered corpse of Grakt-Alka.
"Oh how unfortunate for you! Falling for such an obvious trap! I deceive you into thinking I'm weak and goad you into exhausting all your resources, then like a cruel demon turn your efforts back on you. Is it not such a sad ending to your life, that rich melancholy of despair seeping into your soul? I might just weep at the sorrow of this event. The sheer beauty of it would bring a tear to even the strongest of eyes! I wonder oh fallen warrior, just who you were before this tragic demise? Allow me to peek into your remaining thoughts, so that I may know you, Grakt-Alka." said Vefifar.
Vefifar placed his right hand over the head of Grakt-Alka, said "Olim Ligit" and delved into his thoughts, and his life.
* * * * *
In a broken down room, dank and cold, a group of people surrounded a woman who had just given birth. She was exhausted, and barely able to breath as she held her newborn child. She gave him the name Grakt, meaning silent hero. For the first five years of life, Grakt knew only this dank and dim home which he resided in. He associated with his family, played in games, but never did speak. At the age of five soldiers came to the house, they mentioned something about the national kingdom order, Grakt was to be taken. Grakt was forcibly removed from his home, his family members cried, and so did he. They were to never be seen again.
An academy that looks like a prison, this is where Grakt was taken to. For the next several years he was trained in the arts of knight combat. He was beaten, tormented, punished, and abused relentlessly for his unwillingness to speak. He, nor any other students, were allowed to sleep in beds, they had to sleep on the floor. At the age of thirteen Grakt attempted to escape the academy, but was captured and chained in a cold and lightless dungeon without any food or clothes for three days. At the age of fifteen Grakt made another attempt at escape, but was captured again. Instead of imprisonment, the head mages voted for his execution. Grakt was brought down to a dark cellar beneath the academy and stabbed repeatedly, and left in that cellar to bleed to death. It was at that moment, that the spark of Grakt activated as he lay bleeding and he vanished into the realms of the multiverse.
Grakt found himself in a dense rainforest, an environment that he could barely comprehend. He wandered through in a daze, drenched in blood but no longer bleeding from his stab wounds. He came to the edge of a cliff, and looked down to see that there was nothing but sky beneath. He looked up and saw floating land masses through-out the sky, each one covered in jungle and mountains. He wandered through-out the jungle for several hours until he discovered a stone building with several strange people outside of it. They wore a variety of clothes; some wore colorful and complex robes, others dressed in knightly gear, and some wore tunics. Grakt turned to escape but found himself frozen, his body unable to move as one of the strange men held his hand out towards Grakt. Grakt then felt drowsy and passed out. He awoke to find himself inside the stone building, being taken care for and studied. One of the robed men chanted a spell to him, and their strange language became clear to the ears of Grakt. The robed man learned of Grakt's life and offered him shelter in the temple, Grakt's new home.
They gave him the new name Alka, meaning mysterious element.
The mages and warriors attempted to train Alka in various styles of magic yet he refused. It seemed as though Alka would not bend the will of any other living thing to his whim. He would not use anything else as a tool nor allow any summoned creature to die. The mages and warriors knew this may have been brought about from a past of slavery and violence, thus they trained Alka in a different kind of art. The mages and warriors covered Grakt's skin with paint in the form of bizarre tattoos. They initiated a spell that burned the tattoos into Alka's skin, giving him the ability to summon elementals born of Alka's own spirit, elementals whose pain would be Alka's own.
Alka spent the next seven years with the mages and warriors at the temple, there he improved his magical skills, met and departed from wandering travelers, and developed strong relations with the lead mages and warriors. But one day an army flew over the skies, knights with wings of fire and an angel of immense power. They slaughtered all those at the temple, safe for Alka who was thrown down a deep ravine. Hours after the attack the injured Alka climbed from the ravine and back to the temple to find all those he knew as his family had been killed. Fueled by blind rage, Alka roamed the floating islands and killed any and all soldiers he encountered. Then he took control of one of the islands and sent it crashing into a nearby city-state that appeared to be the base of soldiers. Once Alka regained his calm he quietly planeswalked away back into the depths of the multiverse.
Two years later, Alka wandered a dusted wasteland where the ground was covered in salt and the clouds were made of ash. Far into the horizon on his right was endless desert, far to his left was a metal fortress construct. Alka found an injured family lying on the ground and he attempted to assist them. Unfortunately the children and mother had already died, and the father was critically wounded. Before he died, the father informed Alka of who had killed them, it was the work of the organization that took residence in the metal fortress. Alka vowed to destroy those responsible within the metal fortress and headed towards it. Alka sent his elementals into the compound and immediately killed anything that moved. He tore down walls with nature magic and set parts of the building aflame. Those that tried to stop Alka were met with a gruesome demise at the hands of Alka, who spared no mercy to anyone. Alka then encountered a wizard who without fear or difficulty, deflected all of Alka's offensive spells. Alka knew he could not defeat the wizard here nor at all, so he escaped back into the depths of the multiverse.
Grakt-Alka was followed and fought by the wizard. Grakt-Alka was defeated and killed.
* * * * *
"What a dear and unfortunate life you have lived. I understand now, your pain and your purpose." said Vefifar as he kneeled over Grakt-Alka.
At that sudden moment Grakt-Alka used the last of his strength to move his right hand up and yelled "Cogita!". Grakt-Alka then delved into the thoughts and life of Vefifar Ravif.
* * * * *
Oh my life is such a tale, for I am a realist and romanticist in unison! My life is one of a God's tale, of noble ascension and exquisite individuality! I was born into the grand family of Ravif, aristocrats who owned a majority of the countryside as well as loyalty to the king. I was educated at three prestigious academies all at once, and graduated valedictorian of all of them at the unripe age of sixteen! I went on to pioneer even more advanced schools of magic and assist the kingdom against the rebel war. I was triumphant against the rebel factions and as lead commander of the army and as a finale to the war, I personally defeated their lead commander in a duel. At the moment of glory, being cheered by thousands of followers, I ascended to the status of a planeswalker and vanished into the multiverse. From this point in my life I became even more powerful and a greater individual; I organized schools of thought on multiple planes and created vast inter-planer organizations throughout multiple worlds. I became the true god that always before lay dormant within my body!
But these events, they are nowhere near exciting as the very most recent events that took place in my life. No, for the past does not interest me as much as the close present or the near future, and my recent discussion with an acquaintance and battle with a foe are of the most delight to my capricious spirit! Come my friend and I shall show you the grandest day of my life yet, one that yields so much greatness and beauty!
It was early morning, the sun still slept like that of an incapacitated drunkard, awakening from its slumber in darkness. But by the time that lazy sun had risen, I had dressed and prepared myself to a living work of art. I had made my way through the castle-fortress, its interior decorated with pristine white marble and decorative art, and met with the lead general of whom I was working for at the time. We dined on a magnificent breakfast on the balcony, overlooking the desert wastelands and wall of mountains in the western horizon. The general informed me that I would have under my wing that day a new apprentice. I was more than eager to meet this new student whom I could teach some of my great knowledge! After breakfast we walked to the foyer where I met this apprentice, he was an elf, dressed in the fanciest robes that I ever saw in my life. His long and dark green hair traveled down to his upper back, it was silky yet thick. He had light green eyes that were lost and gazed into the distance. He spoke in a sharp yet quiet whisper. He came to me and introduced himself,
"Greetings sir Ravif, I am Eleshnor Tirid, fifth archbishop of the North Wood Elves Church and commanding diplomat." he said as he bowed.
"Look up at me when you introduce yourself, I don't want to see subservience, I want to see confidence. Go on do it again." I said.
"Yes, sir Ravif-"
"No, don't be so overly thankful about it just do it."
"Ye-um, my name is Eleshnor Tirid, fifth archbishop of the North Wood Elves Church and commanding diplomat. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance sir Ravif." said Eleshnor straight into the my eyes.
"Good then, and please, refer to me as Vefifar."
"Sure thing, Vefifar."
"Advisor you may depart, come Eleshnor, let us walk through the interior halls of the castle and discuss personal matters and politics."
Eleshnor and I walked through the many decorated hallways of the beautiful castle and discussed several generalizations concerning our lives, families, and personal tastes in music and art. But it was a discussion of personal philosophy that truthfully intrigued me.
"So this organization, did you join because you found your values to be in harmony with its own, or did you conform to its structure when you initially joined them?" I asked.
"To a certain degree, the former. I held my own religious beliefs long before joining, but those beliefs were derived from a different system that I was taught when I was young. This church reminded me so much of my home, both in sacred code and hospitality that I felt unable not to join." said Eleshnor.
"Ah, and these beliefs are based on what system of logic exactly?"
"I wouldn't call it a system of logic exactly, it's far too complex to be based upon simple rational axioms. Rather it is based off a divine truth that transcends the very limits of this present reality. Shall I go into further detail?"
"Yes, explain every bit of it."
"Well the ultimate truth of this religion is that law is a metaphysical entity, that is a divine aspect of nature. This metaphysical law can be broken down into many different laws dictating how one should act and what one should do in life. In addition, it also dictates how one should not act and what one should not do. This divine law like a plant grows over time, parts of it change and adapt, or rather we see which parts of it are real. I mean, the divine law is sometime unclear, and we can be wrong in its moral interpretation, thus we often discard old laws when they are false and adopt new ones that are true. Beyond that though we are granted freedom within the world, we may do as we please, unrestrained so long as it does not betray the will of the divine law. For example we are instructed that the actions of theft, murder, and rape are always wrong regardless of the motives behind it or the consequences from it. Thus we shall never commit any of those actions for any reason ever, but since actions such as brawling or lewd sexual behavior are deemed acceptable, or in some cases not verified, we may partake in them at will. That is what I have come to know as true."
"Oh how silly now! You can't honestly hold such ludicrous twaddle as a truth that you have based your entire existence on following, can you?"
"If your demeanor was not so charismatic I may almost be offended Vefifar. But you are not the first one to criticize the religious beliefs that I hold true, oh no I have been called out on these truths a many time before. So feel free to critique them at your will."
"Oh, you are quite the amusing one!"
"Now now, if anyone is amusing it is you Vefifar!"
"Oh, true, very, very true! But as I was saying your divine law is impractical and an illusion."
We had now walked through the structured hallways of the castle and into an adjacent room, the garden. A cement path lead through the thick and luscious exhibition of plants, trees, flowers, and fountains. We walked through there as we continued our conversation.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"I'll be blunt, there is no objective law that transcends anything. All social ethics, norms, and morals are but the constructs of those who devise them. An action is never inherently good or bad, but rather it is based off the ways that conscious beings like us perceive it and the general way it affects us. For example, if a society of people were to encounter nothing but bad fortunes as a result of practicing certain actions, or if a force beyond their control causes negative consequences, then they will likely consider the root of it all to be evil. In addition, they claim that the evilness of these actions must exist beyond the realm of thought or it would not carry any meaning to them. Therefore, they assume that good and evil are completely separate and distinct from their subjective perspective. But let me ask you, assuming these laws really do exist how does one go about enforcing them?"
"Well, we have no precise way of actually enforcing in the way that you might imagine it. It is ingrained into whatever cultures we can persuade. We enlighten and educate, not force and tyrannize. Once they see our way they often come to the opinion that we are right."
"Ah, but without that precise method of persuasion your law falls short. You see the enforcement of law works in that way because you are in power, not physical power, but political power. You have access over the minds of others to dictate their beliefs according to the ones that your group subconsciously believes. But it is power that dictates law, that dictates action, that dictates life. It is never a matter of 'should be', nor 'ought', those in power can do what they will while those without it must live under those restraints. Attempts to subvert this power often manifest in the form of morality, designed, most of the time subconsciously, by those who are weak.
We had now exited the garden and were ascending a large hallway staircase, approximately 200 hundred steps in length. I walked to his left, on my side of the wall were red drapes, and he walked on my right, to his side of the wall were blue drapes.
"But if what you hold is to be true then morals of every sort lose all meaning. There's no inherent order, nothing worth living for, no world worthy of respect. Our existence basically becomes anarchy of animals, each one tearing each other apart for the title of king."
"A sad but true aspect of life my friend. Power is decided by those who can take it, and nothing more. But life is not without meaning. No, rather, in the same way morals are constructed so too are meanings built from our own experience. I for one delight in life like it was that of a story, where each living being is a character, every location is a setting, every emotional tone a genre, ah yes it is quite a beautiful world indeed when viewed through that kind of lens. I also enjoy the physical delights of the world, food, wine, sex, art, music, fame, oh where would I be without them!? It is these great and beautiful things that make life all the worth it. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Well, although I don't completely renounce my faith, I do see the reasons as to your life philosophy. And I must admit it has me quite intrigued!"
We had come to the top of the staircase and entered through a pair of doors that led to a balcony. The balcony overlooked an interior courtyard of the castle, and positioned in the center of the balcony was a dining table with empty plates and silverware. I cast a spell that animated food on the plated and wine in the glasses. We dined and continued conversation on many things in life.
"So you're telling me that you have mastered all the colors of mana?" asked Eleshnor.
"Why indeed, in my 354 years of living I have come to understand much concerning the properties of magic and how to handle them. Besides what fun would it be not knowing such magnificent arts?" I said.
"Indeed." said Eleshnor as he took a sip of wine.
At the moment a chuck of a flaming castle tower came crashing down into the center of the courtyard. The entire lower courtyard was set ablaze while explosions could be heard from other areas of the castle.
"Wha-what was that?!" said Eleshnor.
"Well, it certainly isn't the entertainment that I was planning for later, I wonder what could have caused such a disastrous phenomenon?" I retorted.
Mere moments later a guard came sprinting through the doorway gasping for breath. He struggled to control his breathing before he was able to speak.
"Sir Ravif there's an intruder in the compound!" said the guard.
"Where exactly?"
"In the upper east wing, he's tearing everything in sight apart, both the castle and people!"
"Well I suppose we'll have to continue our lunch later, won't we Eleshnor?"
"Why, yes."
"Alright guard, please escort my friend here to a the basement sanctuary for safe keeping and inform the others to go into lockdown by my orders! I'll go deal with this threat personally."
"Yes sir!"
"Wait, Vefifar are you sure-"
"You need not worry. I've fought over tens of thousands of battles before, it is but a mere spectacle to me now." I said with a pleasant smirk.
With those words I was off, I teleported from that location to the upper east wing and encountered the intruder who had caused such damage. He took only a moment to glare at me with his burning eyes, and then spared no second to destroy me, or at least attempt to destroy me. He sent a torrent of fire and flame in my direction, which I scoffed at and swept away with the flick of my wrist. He tried this method again several times, each result the same as the last. When the young man finally wised up the pointlessness of that form of attack he took control of two support beams, breaking them apart from the floor and ceiling with earth control magic, and hurled them towards me. I held my right hand up and with one word both constructs immediately turned to dust that collapsed onto the floor. In a blind rage the young man threw a wave of green mana over the floor, ceiling, and walls. The entire infrastructure collapsed, dust and debris were violently strewn everywhere.
I teleported outside that section of the castle to another interior courtyard. I thought it was tranquil enough at first, had it not been for two elemental humanoids that attacked me. I cast forth a spell that generated a sword of mine, and effortlessly, yet nonetheless in great style, dispatched the wretched monsters. All it took were a single vertical strike for one, and a horizontal for the other, and this formula worked the same way for the next four sets of elementals. The young man emerged out of nowhere, casting forth chunks of rock and lightning. I deflected all those the same way I did with the fire and the elementals. He then must have realized my potential, or perhaps sought a better fighting location, for he planeswalked away from his standing point and vanished.
I teleported my way back into the interior of the castle and casually strolled through the hallways back to the dining room. On my way there I encountered the previous guard, several other guards, and Eleshnor heading in my opposite direction.
"Sir Ravif where are you-"
"I'm going to follow that rouge and engage him in combat, you need not worry."
"Then why not just plane-"
"Well for good reason, I want to bring along my glass of wine."
I went into the dining room and poured myself a fresh glass of wine, its delicate redness looked so appealing and appetizing in the glass. Then I planeswalked from that location and into the depths of the multiverse, where I followed the rouge man to a nearby plane, and defeated him in a duel.
* * * * *
Immediately after Grakt-Alka peered through Vefifar's memories, Vefifar quickly swung his blade and cut off Grakt-Alka's right arm. Grakt-Alka now lay there, severely wounded from battle, with his right forearm gone, and bleeding profusely. His consciousness started fading slowly as Vefifar gave a few last words.
"Before, I had thought you were just another insignificant nobody in this cold multiverse of ours. And I would have never thought that with your last breath that you would choose to understand the meaning behind your tragedies rather than take vengeance upon them. But after seeing the inner contents of your soul, I understand. Much in the same way that you now understand the inner contents of my soul. I weep for your demise fellow god brother, you were truly a worthy opponent. Farewell Grakt-Alka."
". . . such as we, great gods, yet still human . . ." said Grakt-Alka.
And with the last dying breath, Grakt-Alka closed his eyes and died. Vefifar Ravif buried the corpse beneath the same dirt used to create the elementals, then disappeared into the depths of the multiverse.
[SSC XXII] When Gods Battle
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10. Better described in Style. At least then I won't have to write it twice. The one thing I'm going to mention here: "rogue" vs "rouge". Use the right one next time.
Characterization: 6/10. Motivation, motivation, motivation. Neither character's motivations are brought out, and that may be because they don't really have any motivations in the first place. A character's personality is set out, and then it's changed in the next paragraph.
Plot: 5/10. First of all, why a red mage is suddenly using mind-reading magic, considered rare even within the blue school of magic, is beyond me. Next, there's the matter of the actual plot. We have a battle, then the combatants decide to randomly read each others' minds, and then one dies. The backstory inclusion is forced in there, and by then, you really don't care about the characters. While we're at it, characters contradict themselves for no reason at all.
Style: 6/10. Let's take for an example your character description. You spent a paragraph on describing a character's physical appearance (in one long run-on sentence, mind you) and then don't use it for the rest of the story. Spacing it out through the story might have been better. An overuse of exclamation marks is another problem. You also have a conversation going between three characters without any hint as to which one's speaking.
Prompt: 10/10. Two unique characters, one battle.
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Picture a wasteland landscape, fit with all the typical essentials: a dusty rough ground, an absence of life or vegetation of any sort, plateaus and mountains scattered about, clear blue skies with only the rarest of clouds, and a twelve o'clock sun burning the air.
Atop the edge of a two hundred foot plateau stood Vefifar Ravif, picture him thus: The most handsome aristocrat you've ever seen, his long and permed sky blue hair flowing in the wind, his charming blues eyes complemented his deceptive and eager smile, his pale and peachy skin mirrored the sun's glory off him, his clothing was that of long black leather pants, fancy black boots strapped to his feet, a dark blue blouse snug across his chest and upper arms, beneath that was a frilly white shirt that sleeved over his lower arms, black leather fingerless gloves covered his delicate hands, he moved his long bangs back with his left hand, and sipped wine from a glass with his right hand.
Now zoom into that lone figure standing far below on the ground, his name was Grakt-Alka. His eyes were fiery, extremely fiery, like the raging inferno of hell itself. His aggressive breathing revealed that he barely could contain the burning passion underneath his calm exterior. He was dressed only in some raggedy cloths: a small sleeveless tunic, baggy pants, a belt, and nothing more. His hair was brown and messy, his skin a darkish and dirty red, he was scrawny yet muscular, and along his arms were a series of tattoos shaped in bizarre patterns.
Each individual stared at the other, one with an aloof disposition of arrogance, the other a gaze of sheer contempt. Vefifar Ravif took another sip of his wine, then spoke,
"My my, you're certainly a rebellious little fighter aren't you, coming all this way to fight me." said Vefifar, his heavenly and masculine voice carried all the way through the mountainous area.
Grakt-Alka said nothing, did not move, did not blink, did not even grunt nor flinch nor snarl. Vefifar only chuckled at a bit from the silent retort.
"What's the matter? Don't tell me you can't fathom a witty piece of banter to my assertion? Or perhaps, you're just amazed by my beautiful demeanor, so awestruck that you can't speak at all, oh how cruel! Maybe my charisma, is just too much for your feeble mind to handle, is that it? Well?"
There was only further silence from Grakt-Alka.
"Not even a word? You do know I enchanted my voice so that it carries through this wretched terrain? I know you can hear me. Are you simply ignoring me? How rude! To show such foulness, it's of such bad taste that it actually leaves a bitter aftertaste within my mouth. Come now, say something, a declaration of war, an insult, a dramatic back-story of your life, please, something to which I can remember you by . . . or maybe, you shouldn't say anything at all! Yes that would work perfectly! You can be that 'quiet one', that lone, romantic individual who speaks nothing yet makes the world quake beneath his feet with sheer willpower alone! Oh! It sends chills through my spine! Yes quiet hero say nothing, oh silent one!"
"My name is Grakt-Alka." said the quiet person.
"Oh . . . how disappointing, you spoke. There goes my quiet hero, away with the wind like a capricious bird. Damn, and I really was hoping for such an opponent, they don't come often you know. Wait . . . maybe this is fine, I mean if I see this through an optimistic lens, I at least have an identity by which I can establish you! When I inform my acquaintances of this magnificent battle that proved me the victor, I can at least gloat the greatness of my enemy's name, Grakt-Alka. Oh how wonderful it sounds!"
Vefifar threw his glass of wine to the ground, and it shattered to pieces.
"Prepare yourself Grakt-Alka, you mysterious warrior, you've awakened the wrath of a god, one who will not show mercy in his bloodlust and ferocity! Go unleash your power! So that we gods of the multiverse may engage a grand and epic duel!"
"Rooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" bellowed Grakt-Alka.
The tattoos on Grakt-Alka glowed green when he yelled his war cry, and the very ground shook violently. From the ground, elemental humanoid constructs emerged, yelling the same war cry as Grakt-Alka. Approximately ten were generated, and in a matter of moments were already climbing up the wall of the plateau. Vefifar grinned as he held his right hand out toward the climbing elementals advancing towards his position, and he said the words "Murus Negatio". From various places on the lower walls of the plateau emerged bluish walls that blocked the scattered elementals. Bluish hands emerged from these flat walls and grabbed the elementals, making the process of climbing up more difficult for them. Grakt-Alka summoned more of elementals, so that the elementals outnumbered the walls and some were able to continue climbing.
"What, did you foolish cretins honestly believe that was the only trick I had up my sleeve!? Abiectus!" said Vefifar.
Suddenly then a swift wind blew from the sky toward the climbing path of the elementals. It knocked many of the elementals farther back down the side of the plateau and others to the ground completely. Grakt-Alka summoned a dozen more and they marched up the side of the plateau eventually overwhelming the small number of bluish walls.
"Oh my! We cannot have that at all, Proieci Tenebris Draculorum!" said Vefifar.
From those words black portals opened from the sky and five jet black drakes flew from them. They flew down to the elementals and intercepted them, attacking with their sharp talons and spiny teeth. The elementals had no trouble at all killing the drakes and sending their corpses to the ground.
"Proieci Tenebris Draculorum Ter!" said Vefifar.
Fifteen drakes now flew from portals and down towards the side of the plateau to intercept the elementals. Grakt-Alka held his hands up, and cast forth a spell; it radiated green mana from his hands in a wave over his elementals, each one grew double in size and strength.
"Oh we can't be having any of that now! Pulla Adipiscing!" said Vefifar waving his left hand.
A sharp beam of purple mana shot through the air and throughout the bodies of the elementals, reversing the effects of the growth spell.
"What a shame, victory lured so close yet was so fleeting. Please entertain me with your next grand feat!" said Vefifar.
Grakt-Alka summoned forth even more elementals from the earth, and each of them proceeded to climb the plateau. Vefifar ceaselessly continued to divert more and more of them away, as Grakt-Alka summoned even more of them.
"Oh my! This is truly turning into a glorious battle of power! Your seething ambition and rage have even me shaking inside with excitement! Ah yes so exciting! Summon more of them! Give me a challenge worthy of my ability! Unleash every inch of your raw fury and I shall show you my most deceitful potential! Let's create a battle that will frighten all mortals throughout the multiverse, no! Even planeswalkers will tremble before our might! Is this not-
"Shut up!!!!!!" interrupted Grakt-Alka.
Grakt-Alka sent even more elementals to the raging battle on the side of the plateau, but Vefifar only smirked as he held both hands over the battle, each one glowing with a mix of blue, red, and black mana.
" Ego dominari, Regus I, Vicerit me, Sum magistrum dominantur super renes mentium, Tempero re fortunam, ultimatum tyrannus!"
At that moment the mana around the hands of Vefifar swarmed out through all the elementals and their eyes turned a light shade of purple. Each one turned around, back down the original path and towards Grakt-Alka. They overwhelmed and tackled him as he attempted to regain control, flashes of red mana radiated through the crowd, then there was an explosion of red mana and a cloud of dust engulfed the air. Vefifar teleported himself down to the area and cast forth a spell that generated a sword which he held in his left hand. He walked to what was now the battered corpse of Grakt-Alka.
"Oh how unfortunate for you! Falling for such an obvious trap! I deceive you into thinking I'm weak and goad you into exhausting all your resources, then like a cruel demon turn your efforts back on you. Is it not such a sad ending to your life, that rich melancholy of despair seeping into your soul? I might just weep at the sorrow of this event. The sheer beauty of it would bring a tear to even the strongest of eyes! I wonder oh fallen warrior, just who you were before this tragic demise? Allow me to peek into your remaining thoughts, so that I may know you, Grakt-Alka." said Vefifar.
Vefifar placed his right hand over the head of Grakt-Alka, said "Olim Ligit" and delved into his thoughts, and his life.
In a broken down room, dank and cold, a group of people surrounded a woman who had just given birth. She was exhausted, and barely able to breath as she held her newborn child. She gave him the name Grakt, meaning silent hero. For the first five years of life, Grakt knew only this dank and dim home which he resided in. He associated with his family, played in games, but never did speak. At the age of five soldiers came to the house, they mentioned something about the national kingdom order, Grakt was to be taken. Grakt was forcibly removed from his home, his family members cried, and so did he. They were to never be seen again.
An academy that looks like a prison, this is where Grakt was taken to. For the next several years he was trained in the arts of knight combat. He was beaten, tormented, punished, and abused relentlessly for his unwillingness to speak. He, nor any other students, were allowed to sleep in beds, they had to sleep on the floor. At the age of thirteen Grakt attempted to escape the academy, but was captured and chained in a cold and lightless dungeon without any food or clothes for three days. At the age of fifteen Grakt made another attempt at escape, but was captured again. Instead of imprisonment, the head mages voted for his execution. Grakt was brought down to a dark cellar beneath the academy and stabbed repeatedly, and left in that cellar to bleed to death. It was at that moment, that the spark of Grakt activated as he lay bleeding and he vanished into the realms of the multiverse.
Grakt found himself in a dense rainforest, an environment that he could barely comprehend. He wandered through in a daze, drenched in blood but no longer bleeding from his stab wounds. He came to the edge of a cliff, and looked down to see that there was nothing but sky beneath. He looked up and saw floating land masses through-out the sky, each one covered in jungle and mountains. He wandered through-out the jungle for several hours until he discovered a stone building with several strange people outside of it. They wore a variety of clothes; some wore colorful and complex robes, others dressed in knightly gear, and some wore tunics. Grakt turned to escape but found himself frozen, his body unable to move as one of the strange men held his hand out towards Grakt. Grakt then felt drowsy and passed out. He awoke to find himself inside the stone building, being taken care for and studied. One of the robed men chanted a spell to him, and their strange language became clear to the ears of Grakt. The robed man learned of Grakt's life and offered him shelter in the temple, Grakt's new home.
They gave him the new name Alka, meaning mysterious element.
The mages and warriors attempted to train Alka in various styles of magic yet he refused. It seemed as though Alka would not bend the will of any other living thing to his whim. He would not use anything else as a tool nor allow any summoned creature to die. The mages and warriors knew this may have been brought about from a past of slavery and violence, thus they trained Alka in a different kind of art. The mages and warriors covered Grakt's skin with paint in the form of bizarre tattoos. They initiated a spell that burned the tattoos into Alka's skin, giving him the ability to summon elementals born of Alka's own spirit, elementals whose pain would be Alka's own.
Alka spent the next seven years with the mages and warriors at the temple, there he improved his magical skills, met and departed from wandering travelers, and developed strong relations with the lead mages and warriors. But one day an army flew over the skies, knights with wings of fire and an angel of immense power. They slaughtered all those at the temple, safe for Alka who was thrown down a deep ravine. Hours after the attack the injured Alka climbed from the ravine and back to the temple to find all those he knew as his family had been killed. Fueled by blind rage, Alka roamed the floating islands and killed any and all soldiers he encountered. Then he took control of one of the islands and sent it crashing into a nearby city-state that appeared to be the base of soldiers. Once Alka regained his calm he quietly planeswalked away back into the depths of the multiverse.
Two years later, Alka wandered a dusted wasteland where the ground was covered in salt and the clouds were made of ash. Far into the horizon on his right was endless desert, far to his left was a metal fortress construct. Alka found an injured family lying on the ground and he attempted to assist them. Unfortunately the children and mother had already died, and the father was critically wounded. Before he died, the father informed Alka of who had killed them, it was the work of the organization that took residence in the metal fortress. Alka vowed to destroy those responsible within the metal fortress and headed towards it. Alka sent his elementals into the compound and immediately killed anything that moved. He tore down walls with nature magic and set parts of the building aflame. Those that tried to stop Alka were met with a gruesome demise at the hands of Alka, who spared no mercy to anyone. Alka then encountered a wizard who without fear or difficulty, deflected all of Alka's offensive spells. Alka knew he could not defeat the wizard here nor at all, so he escaped back into the depths of the multiverse.
Grakt-Alka was followed and fought by the wizard. Grakt-Alka was defeated and killed.
* * * * *
"What a dear and unfortunate life you have lived. I understand now, your pain and your purpose." said Vefifar as he kneeled over Grakt-Alka.
At that sudden moment Grakt-Alka used the last of his strength to move his right hand up and yelled "Cogita!". Grakt-Alka then delved into the thoughts and life of Vefifar Ravif.
Oh my life is such a tale, for I am a realist and romanticist in unison! My life is one of a God's tale, of noble ascension and exquisite individuality! I was born into the grand family of Ravif, aristocrats who owned a majority of the countryside as well as loyalty to the king. I was educated at three prestigious academies all at once, and graduated valedictorian of all of them at the unripe age of sixteen! I went on to pioneer even more advanced schools of magic and assist the kingdom against the rebel war. I was triumphant against the rebel factions and as lead commander of the army and as a finale to the war, I personally defeated their lead commander in a duel. At the moment of glory, being cheered by thousands of followers, I ascended to the status of a planeswalker and vanished into the multiverse. From this point in my life I became even more powerful and a greater individual; I organized schools of thought on multiple planes and created vast inter-planer organizations throughout multiple worlds. I became the true god that always before lay dormant within my body!
But these events, they are nowhere near exciting as the very most recent events that took place in my life. No, for the past does not interest me as much as the close present or the near future, and my recent discussion with an acquaintance and battle with a foe are of the most delight to my capricious spirit! Come my friend and I shall show you the grandest day of my life yet, one that yields so much greatness and beauty!
It was early morning, the sun still slept like that of an incapacitated drunkard, awakening from its slumber in darkness. But by the time that lazy sun had risen, I had dressed and prepared myself to a living work of art. I had made my way through the castle-fortress, its interior decorated with pristine white marble and decorative art, and met with the lead general of whom I was working for at the time. We dined on a magnificent breakfast on the balcony, overlooking the desert wastelands and wall of mountains in the western horizon. The general informed me that I would have under my wing that day a new apprentice. I was more than eager to meet this new student whom I could teach some of my great knowledge! After breakfast we walked to the foyer where I met this apprentice, he was an elf, dressed in the fanciest robes that I ever saw in my life. His long and dark green hair traveled down to his upper back, it was silky yet thick. He had light green eyes that were lost and gazed into the distance. He spoke in a sharp yet quiet whisper. He came to me and introduced himself,
"Greetings sir Ravif, I am Eleshnor Tirid, fifth archbishop of the North Wood Elves Church and commanding diplomat." he said as he bowed.
"Look up at me when you introduce yourself, I don't want to see subservience, I want to see confidence. Go on do it again." I said.
"Yes, sir Ravif-"
"No, don't be so overly thankful about it just do it."
"Ye-um, my name is Eleshnor Tirid, fifth archbishop of the North Wood Elves Church and commanding diplomat. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance sir Ravif." said Eleshnor straight into the my eyes.
"Good then, and please, refer to me as Vefifar."
"Sure thing, Vefifar."
"Advisor you may depart, come Eleshnor, let us walk through the interior halls of the castle and discuss personal matters and politics."
Eleshnor and I walked through the many decorated hallways of the beautiful castle and discussed several generalizations concerning our lives, families, and personal tastes in music and art. But it was a discussion of personal philosophy that truthfully intrigued me.
"So this organization, did you join because you found your values to be in harmony with its own, or did you conform to its structure when you initially joined them?" I asked.
"To a certain degree, the former. I held my own religious beliefs long before joining, but those beliefs were derived from a different system that I was taught when I was young. This church reminded me so much of my home, both in sacred code and hospitality that I felt unable not to join." said Eleshnor.
"Ah, and these beliefs are based on what system of logic exactly?"
"I wouldn't call it a system of logic exactly, it's far too complex to be based upon simple rational axioms. Rather it is based off a divine truth that transcends the very limits of this present reality. Shall I go into further detail?"
"Yes, explain every bit of it."
"Well the ultimate truth of this religion is that law is a metaphysical entity, that is a divine aspect of nature. This metaphysical law can be broken down into many different laws dictating how one should act and what one should do in life. In addition, it also dictates how one should not act and what one should not do. This divine law like a plant grows over time, parts of it change and adapt, or rather we see which parts of it are real. I mean, the divine law is sometime unclear, and we can be wrong in its moral interpretation, thus we often discard old laws when they are false and adopt new ones that are true. Beyond that though we are granted freedom within the world, we may do as we please, unrestrained so long as it does not betray the will of the divine law. For example we are instructed that the actions of theft, murder, and rape are always wrong regardless of the motives behind it or the consequences from it. Thus we shall never commit any of those actions for any reason ever, but since actions such as brawling or lewd sexual behavior are deemed acceptable, or in some cases not verified, we may partake in them at will. That is what I have come to know as true."
"Oh how silly now! You can't honestly hold such ludicrous twaddle as a truth that you have based your entire existence on following, can you?"
"If your demeanor was not so charismatic I may almost be offended Vefifar. But you are not the first one to criticize the religious beliefs that I hold true, oh no I have been called out on these truths a many time before. So feel free to critique them at your will."
"Oh, you are quite the amusing one!"
"Now now, if anyone is amusing it is you Vefifar!"
"Oh, true, very, very true! But as I was saying your divine law is impractical and an illusion."
We had now walked through the structured hallways of the castle and into an adjacent room, the garden. A cement path lead through the thick and luscious exhibition of plants, trees, flowers, and fountains. We walked through there as we continued our conversation.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"I'll be blunt, there is no objective law that transcends anything. All social ethics, norms, and morals are but the constructs of those who devise them. An action is never inherently good or bad, but rather it is based off the ways that conscious beings like us perceive it and the general way it affects us. For example, if a society of people were to encounter nothing but bad fortunes as a result of practicing certain actions, or if a force beyond their control causes negative consequences, then they will likely consider the root of it all to be evil. In addition, they claim that the evilness of these actions must exist beyond the realm of thought or it would not carry any meaning to them. Therefore, they assume that good and evil are completely separate and distinct from their subjective perspective. But let me ask you, assuming these laws really do exist how does one go about enforcing them?"
"Well, we have no precise way of actually enforcing in the way that you might imagine it. It is ingrained into whatever cultures we can persuade. We enlighten and educate, not force and tyrannize. Once they see our way they often come to the opinion that we are right."
"Ah, but without that precise method of persuasion your law falls short. You see the enforcement of law works in that way because you are in power, not physical power, but political power. You have access over the minds of others to dictate their beliefs according to the ones that your group subconsciously believes. But it is power that dictates law, that dictates action, that dictates life. It is never a matter of 'should be', nor 'ought', those in power can do what they will while those without it must live under those restraints. Attempts to subvert this power often manifest in the form of morality, designed, most of the time subconsciously, by those who are weak.
We had now exited the garden and were ascending a large hallway staircase, approximately 200 hundred steps in length. I walked to his left, on my side of the wall were red drapes, and he walked on my right, to his side of the wall were blue drapes.
"But if what you hold is to be true then morals of every sort lose all meaning. There's no inherent order, nothing worth living for, no world worthy of respect. Our existence basically becomes anarchy of animals, each one tearing each other apart for the title of king."
"A sad but true aspect of life my friend. Power is decided by those who can take it, and nothing more. But life is not without meaning. No, rather, in the same way morals are constructed so too are meanings built from our own experience. I for one delight in life like it was that of a story, where each living being is a character, every location is a setting, every emotional tone a genre, ah yes it is quite a beautiful world indeed when viewed through that kind of lens. I also enjoy the physical delights of the world, food, wine, sex, art, music, fame, oh where would I be without them!? It is these great and beautiful things that make life all the worth it. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Well, although I don't completely renounce my faith, I do see the reasons as to your life philosophy. And I must admit it has me quite intrigued!"
We had come to the top of the staircase and entered through a pair of doors that led to a balcony. The balcony overlooked an interior courtyard of the castle, and positioned in the center of the balcony was a dining table with empty plates and silverware. I cast a spell that animated food on the plated and wine in the glasses. We dined and continued conversation on many things in life.
"So you're telling me that you have mastered all the colors of mana?" asked Eleshnor.
"Why indeed, in my 354 years of living I have come to understand much concerning the properties of magic and how to handle them. Besides what fun would it be not knowing such magnificent arts?" I said.
"Indeed." said Eleshnor as he took a sip of wine.
At the moment a chuck of a flaming castle tower came crashing down into the center of the courtyard. The entire lower courtyard was set ablaze while explosions could be heard from other areas of the castle.
"Wha-what was that?!" said Eleshnor.
"Well, it certainly isn't the entertainment that I was planning for later, I wonder what could have caused such a disastrous phenomenon?" I retorted.
Mere moments later a guard came sprinting through the doorway gasping for breath. He struggled to control his breathing before he was able to speak.
"Sir Ravif there's an intruder in the compound!" said the guard.
"Where exactly?"
"In the upper east wing, he's tearing everything in sight apart, both the castle and people!"
"Well I suppose we'll have to continue our lunch later, won't we Eleshnor?"
"Why, yes."
"Alright guard, please escort my friend here to a the basement sanctuary for safe keeping and inform the others to go into lockdown by my orders! I'll go deal with this threat personally."
"Yes sir!"
"Wait, Vefifar are you sure-"
"You need not worry. I've fought over tens of thousands of battles before, it is but a mere spectacle to me now." I said with a pleasant smirk.
With those words I was off, I teleported from that location to the upper east wing and encountered the intruder who had caused such damage. He took only a moment to glare at me with his burning eyes, and then spared no second to destroy me, or at least attempt to destroy me. He sent a torrent of fire and flame in my direction, which I scoffed at and swept away with the flick of my wrist. He tried this method again several times, each result the same as the last. When the young man finally wised up the pointlessness of that form of attack he took control of two support beams, breaking them apart from the floor and ceiling with earth control magic, and hurled them towards me. I held my right hand up and with one word both constructs immediately turned to dust that collapsed onto the floor. In a blind rage the young man threw a wave of green mana over the floor, ceiling, and walls. The entire infrastructure collapsed, dust and debris were violently strewn everywhere.
I teleported outside that section of the castle to another interior courtyard. I thought it was tranquil enough at first, had it not been for two elemental humanoids that attacked me. I cast forth a spell that generated a sword of mine, and effortlessly, yet nonetheless in great style, dispatched the wretched monsters. All it took were a single vertical strike for one, and a horizontal for the other, and this formula worked the same way for the next four sets of elementals. The young man emerged out of nowhere, casting forth chunks of rock and lightning. I deflected all those the same way I did with the fire and the elementals. He then must have realized my potential, or perhaps sought a better fighting location, for he planeswalked away from his standing point and vanished.
I teleported my way back into the interior of the castle and casually strolled through the hallways back to the dining room. On my way there I encountered the previous guard, several other guards, and Eleshnor heading in my opposite direction.
"Sir Ravif where are you-"
"I'm going to follow that rouge and engage him in combat, you need not worry."
"Then why not just plane-"
"Well for good reason, I want to bring along my glass of wine."
I went into the dining room and poured myself a fresh glass of wine, its delicate redness looked so appealing and appetizing in the glass. Then I planeswalked from that location and into the depths of the multiverse, where I followed the rouge man to a nearby plane, and defeated him in a duel.
Immediately after Grakt-Alka peered through Vefifar's memories, Vefifar quickly swung his blade and cut off Grakt-Alka's right arm. Grakt-Alka now lay there, severely wounded from battle, with his right forearm gone, and bleeding profusely. His consciousness started fading slowly as Vefifar gave a few last words.
"Before, I had thought you were just another insignificant nobody in this cold multiverse of ours. And I would have never thought that with your last breath that you would choose to understand the meaning behind your tragedies rather than take vengeance upon them. But after seeing the inner contents of your soul, I understand. Much in the same way that you now understand the inner contents of my soul. I weep for your demise fellow god brother, you were truly a worthy opponent. Farewell Grakt-Alka."
". . . such as we, great gods, yet still human . . ." said Grakt-Alka.
And with the last dying breath, Grakt-Alka closed his eyes and died. Vefifar Ravif buried the corpse beneath the same dirt used to create the elementals, then disappeared into the depths of the multiverse.
Spelling/Grammar: 7/10. Better described in Style. At least then I won't have to write it twice. The one thing I'm going to mention here: "rogue" vs "rouge". Use the right one next time.
Characterization: 6/10. Motivation, motivation, motivation. Neither character's motivations are brought out, and that may be because they don't really have any motivations in the first place. A character's personality is set out, and then it's changed in the next paragraph.
Plot: 5/10. First of all, why a red mage is suddenly using mind-reading magic, considered rare even within the blue school of magic, is beyond me. Next, there's the matter of the actual plot. We have a battle, then the combatants decide to randomly read each others' minds, and then one dies. The backstory inclusion is forced in there, and by then, you really don't care about the characters. While we're at it, characters contradict themselves for no reason at all.
Style: 6/10. Let's take for an example your character description. You spent a paragraph on describing a character's physical appearance (in one long run-on sentence, mind you) and then don't use it for the rest of the story. Spacing it out through the story might have been better. An overuse of exclamation marks is another problem. You also have a conversation going between three characters without any hint as to which one's speaking.
Prompt: 10/10. Two unique characters, one battle.