Ilvaldi I thought your poem was just great. I was a little disappointed when the real world references started appearing, as I was getting an awesome industrial fantasy vibe from the poem at the beginning, but I still liked it enough as a whole to give it my vote.
Ilvaldi I thought your poem was just great. I was a little disappointed when the real world references started appearing, as I was getting an awesome industrial fantasy vibe from the poem at the beginning, but I still liked it enough as a whole to give it my vote.
Thank you. I've been wanting to write something more grounded on reality for a while now and had a little fun doing some research about ocean currents, ships, and history. It's a shame you didn't like that though
However, to be honest, I did feel as if my weakest stanzas came from parts mentioning about the "ports of Washington and Oregon" and etc. and the panama canal as the rhythm seems to lose or loosen itself as compared to the stanzas before that, and the poem itself then started to play out more as an informative telling than an actual epic of sorts.
Furthermore, from what I know, you would have to have been a crazy ship master to have taken the route that I wrote of in the 1940s.
Also, I voted for your poem once again as I saw it as the best out of all the other possible choices. It wasn't as good as Bednlyse (how do you pronounce that by the way, because I'm thinking of "Bed and Lice") as some parts did seem raw and rough and needed to be refined a bit. However, your imagery, use of structure, and such were superior imo.
It can be pronounced how you wish it, though in my mind it is pronounced "Bed-En-Leese". My next entry has a line with the word "police" in it that should rhyme with the castles name.
I will look into some pronunciation keys and see if an "ie" spelling would make for a more fluid reading - the name is mentioned in a lot of my poems, so it will be important to make sure I get it right.
Thank you for the question and the vote this round!
This week, we are presented with the following entries:
Radiation Eve by Madding
for the sake of Poetry by Guilan
The Dreadnaught by Ilvaldi
White Mountains by Monyx
Contestants, remember, you are required to vote (and you can't vote for yourself)! This policy is to help keep the PRC active.
Cheers!
Thank you. I've been wanting to write something more grounded on reality for a while now and had a little fun doing some research about ocean currents, ships, and history. It's a shame you didn't like that though
However, to be honest, I did feel as if my weakest stanzas came from parts mentioning about the "ports of Washington and Oregon" and etc. and the panama canal as the rhythm seems to lose or loosen itself as compared to the stanzas before that, and the poem itself then started to play out more as an informative telling than an actual epic of sorts.
Furthermore, from what I know, you would have to have been a crazy ship master to have taken the route that I wrote of in the 1940s.
Also, I voted for your poem once again as I saw it as the best out of all the other possible choices. It wasn't as good as Bednlyse (how do you pronounce that by the way, because I'm thinking of "Bed and Lice") as some parts did seem raw and rough and needed to be refined a bit. However, your imagery, use of structure, and such were superior imo.
@Monyx:
Your poem eerily reminds me of 5 Centimeters Per Second:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDBH4xCE9ys
I will look into some pronunciation keys and see if an "ie" spelling would make for a more fluid reading - the name is mentioned in a lot of my poems, so it will be important to make sure I get it right.
Thank you for the question and the vote this round!