Had a bit of trouble picking the second of my two votes. Madding, oddly touching and poignant. orox3, the parts where you fell out of syllable rhyme were annoying, but otherwise it was pretty great. Blippy, your usage of the limerick form in such a serious context rankled my brow, but it's a nice poem.
Zaph, still not feeling it for w/e reason. girt, I don't understand your rhyme scheme, and a lot of it seems forced. You've got to relax your sentences. microstar, the A/B/A/C/A/D/A/E/A/F/A/G/A/H/A/I/A/J/A/K 'rhyme scheme' really bothered me: maybe switching it to couplets would have made the whole thing flow better, but as such you expect the disconnected parts to go to somewhere, and they just don't. [To be fair, 'today' pseudo-rhymes with 'remains' and actually rhymes with 'day'. roll, mind, fog, force, and regret are all left hanging (and likely remains as well).]
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my mouth is full of winsome lies -
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
For such a small poem I put a lot of thought into it. For one, I wanted to keep it short since it takes a lot of binary code for even a small paragraph. The title, "Still" is supposed to have two meanings and work with the first line "In future days I'll drop my pen" - in that in future days the writer is contemplating a completely computerized world without need for writing or speaking, so "Still" here means a stark stillness... one where such verbs have no meaning and everything is quiet and digitalized. The other meaning is that he will "still" love this woman after all that time has passed, far into the future.
The middle two lines are fairly self-explanatory, again both referencing the binary and his emotions in that there is no need for speaking or talking because the binary code says more than he ever could about his feelings for this woman. The last line of course sums up the poem with a drop of angst about where he stands in this adoration, and that no further words are needed since the two digits of binary sum up his entire existence.
I don't think anyone here needed an explanation, but oh well. I wanted to write one just in case the binary was giving anyone a headache.
I rushed it a bit. Didn't necessarily plan out the rhyme scheme as well as I should have. Overall for 10 mins and my first poem on here, it was pretty good.
The only real rhyme is "eyes" and "hide".
It is an emotional (rather than intellectual) form, but.. "enhanced" with a hidden meaning within the sentence formatting.
The second sentence was another one of the mini-reviews. :P. I wasn't critiquing your poem for not rhyming. I don't know ... it just didn't really touch anything, for whatever reason. [I could see where it was supposed to touch, at least in my perception, though. (But I didn't find the hidden meaning, though I can kind of see it now on a repeated reading.) ... Maybe reading too much has made me overly cynical. It's the same way that I don't really "get" Fitzgerald. He's, like, too direct for me, or something. I understand, basically, but do not enjoy.]
my mouth is full of winsome lies -
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
I see we have a really diverse array of poems this round! Most notably, two entries not written in English!
Here they are.
The Impeachment Testimony of William S. Clinton to Parliament Funkadelic by oro_oro_oro
Muse or "Words I can't put into words" by Zaph
The Ballad Of the Bookkeeper by the gert
Clever. by Sam111111
0111001101110100011010010110110001101100 by Madding
Card Play by microstar22
SCHLAF SCHÖN by BlippyTheSlug
Contestants, remember, you are required to vote (and you can't vote for yourself)! This policy is to help keep the PRC active.
Good luck.
Zaph, still not feeling it for w/e reason. girt, I don't understand your rhyme scheme, and a lot of it seems forced. You've got to relax your sentences. microstar, the A/B/A/C/A/D/A/E/A/F/A/G/A/H/A/I/A/J/A/K 'rhyme scheme' really bothered me: maybe switching it to couplets would have made the whole thing flow better, but as such you expect the disconnected parts to go to somewhere, and they just don't. [To be fair, 'today' pseudo-rhymes with 'remains' and actually rhymes with 'day'. roll, mind, fog, force, and regret are all left hanging (and likely remains as well).]
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
For such a small poem I put a lot of thought into it. For one, I wanted to keep it short since it takes a lot of binary code for even a small paragraph. The title, "Still" is supposed to have two meanings and work with the first line "In future days I'll drop my pen" - in that in future days the writer is contemplating a completely computerized world without need for writing or speaking, so "Still" here means a stark stillness... one where such verbs have no meaning and everything is quiet and digitalized. The other meaning is that he will "still" love this woman after all that time has passed, far into the future.
The middle two lines are fairly self-explanatory, again both referencing the binary and his emotions in that there is no need for speaking or talking because the binary code says more than he ever could about his feelings for this woman. The last line of course sums up the poem with a drop of angst about where he stands in this adoration, and that no further words are needed since the two digits of binary sum up his entire existence.
I don't think anyone here needed an explanation, but oh well. I wanted to write one just in case the binary was giving anyone a headache.
Why do you constantly post in haiku? I find it unclever and distracting personally. Maybe its just me though.
The second sentence was another one of the mini-reviews. :P. I wasn't critiquing your poem for not rhyming. I don't know ... it just didn't really touch anything, for whatever reason. [I could see where it was supposed to touch, at least in my perception, though. (But I didn't find the hidden meaning, though I can kind of see it now on a repeated reading.) ... Maybe reading too much has made me overly cynical. It's the same way that I don't really "get" Fitzgerald. He's, like, too direct for me, or something. I understand, basically, but do not enjoy.]
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
oro_oro_oro will be penalized per PRC rules for not voting.
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