Yeh, still not working. Alas.
I want to vote for a bunch of poems for some reason. Perhaps it is the dawn of a new school era.
Rainfall (2) still doesn't really work. Alas.
Reviews of the poems I was thinking of picking:
@Blippy: Dirty, as usual. I appreciated some of the more clever rhymes (**** rhymes with fit!) and think this was one of your stronger poems, but it doesn't have very much cohesion throughout (are you trying to say something about the cohesion of ****? Hah!). So ... you're on the shortlist.
@Madding: I dislike your poetry greatly, usually, just because. But I liked this one, perhaps because I'm going to need to force myself to digest something like 3000 words of Shakespeare over the next three months.
@Clock King: I really liked how oblique this poem is, initially and with a quick glance - it takes at least a quick scan to grab it, and then it's ... it's just cool. I like. [Also, it plays to my instincts.]
@DoubleX: I really don't like your first line (because syllables!), but I like the rest of the poem. So. Maybe 'I watched (blah blah)' instead. I liked the sickening final image. Yeah.
So, voted for the middle two. Wee. Good luck, all.
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my mouth is full of winsome lies -
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
I agree with Sam on Blippy's poem. I liked it, but it's hard to fall in love with a poem about ****. Loved the cadence though.
Madding's Poem was an Epic in a few lines, very nicely done.
Rainfall (2) didn't work as well as the first one. It wasn't terribly cohesive, and while the point could be seen- it didn't seem to have a point. Maybe try something less ambitious?
Greatly? Why is that, Sam? Is the mythology and whatnot just not up your alley?
It's nothing against your poems/your self in general, it's just that the repetitive 18th-century (or older!) vibe I get from them is -very- taxing, personally. They're very flowery.
But I liked the one here, so. :).
@Zelderex: eh, I don't think either of them worked. Just going through experiments, may as well here. Flipflopping between being sincere and being "cool".
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my mouth is full of winsome lies -
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
@Zelderex - I really, really liked this poem up until 'fortune' interrupted the Games / Thames / James rhyme pattern you had set up. The final stanza redeemed it a bit, and I think if you reworked the middle you'd really have a gem!
@BlippytheSlug - Very crass poem, but as a self styled vulgarian who acknowledges that filth exists in the world and is very much a viable subject matter, I developed a certain respect for your poem here.
@Sam111111 (how many 1's?) - Normally highly experimental word placement on a page leaves me feeling like I'm reading a "gimmick" of a piece, but this really felt convincing and genuine. "Dissected into meaning and reformed into being" is a line I'm going to file away in my 'Great quotes' folder on my computer. As such, you have my vote.
@Madding - Your poems do bring to mind Edmund Spenser and Alfred Lord Tennyson, and your use of meter is fairly impeccable. Thematically I wasn't blown away, but the word play is very respectable and overall I found your poem an enjoyable read.
@Tezzeret12 - I don't really have an affinity for male on female love/loss poems, so perhaps I am biased when I say that I found this a bit sappy (Don't take offense, it's the same reason why I shy away from John Donne's stuff). I did find this line to be particularly fascinating though: "My mind closes in, My thoughts turn dim"
@DoubleX - Again, the shock value of the title drew me in, but once drawn in, I wasn't captivated. Maybe it's because I expected the final line to rhyme with the second line in the last stanza, because the first stanza had that dynamic. Perhaps I didn't grasp what it was trying to say. Indeed I find this one the hardest to expicate in my head.
Removed the offending stanza, replaced it, and tweaked the lines to fit the new scheme. Definitely works a lot better, and does what I wanted it to do more than just a bit better. Not sure if it's worth posting on Next Week's contest, seeing as it's 70% of the same poem.
Yeah, the poem I submitted, I meshed my two favorite stanzas of different poems, and tried to rework it to make them fit together. Awkward grammar :/
Tezzeret12's poem is my favorite. It has a couple of cliches, but it's so naively bouncy I can't help but vote for it.
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Pure, in its general form, is acting with selfless intentions whilst living a life of proactive, correct and logical choices where blame is nonexistent and there replaced with gratitude.
Join the Pure Alliance! For fun, making friends, and the purification of your soul!
Every *TBD*, right here, we discuss cute things over some healthy green tea.
These are the poems we have for this week:
Gambling Man by Zelderex
Art Appreciation 101 by BlippyTheSlug
Rainfall (2) by Sam111111
Loyalty by Madding
"Look at the stars she says to me..." by tezzeret12
Harrowing, precise progression. by Clock King
"I was watching you slice up newborn babies..." by DoubleX
Contestants, remember, you are required to vote (and you can't vote for yourself)! This policy is to help keep the PRC active.
Happy voting.
I want to vote for a bunch of poems for some reason. Perhaps it is the dawn of a new school era.
Rainfall (2) still doesn't really work. Alas.
Reviews of the poems I was thinking of picking:
@Blippy: Dirty, as usual. I appreciated some of the more clever rhymes (**** rhymes with fit!) and think this was one of your stronger poems, but it doesn't have very much cohesion throughout (are you trying to say something about the cohesion of ****? Hah!). So ... you're on the shortlist.
@Madding: I dislike your poetry greatly, usually, just because. But I liked this one, perhaps because I'm going to need to force myself to digest something like 3000 words of Shakespeare over the next three months.
@Clock King: I really liked how oblique this poem is, initially and with a quick glance - it takes at least a quick scan to grab it, and then it's ... it's just cool. I like. [Also, it plays to my instincts.]
@DoubleX: I really don't like your first line (because syllables!), but I like the rest of the poem. So. Maybe 'I watched (blah blah)' instead. I liked the sickening final image. Yeah.
So, voted for the middle two. Wee. Good luck, all.
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
Madding's Poem was an Epic in a few lines, very nicely done.
Rainfall (2) didn't work as well as the first one. It wasn't terribly cohesive, and while the point could be seen- it didn't seem to have a point. Maybe try something less ambitious?
Join the Poetry Running Contest!
It's nothing against your poems/your self in general, it's just that the repetitive 18th-century (or older!) vibe I get from them is -very- taxing, personally. They're very flowery.
But I liked the one here, so. :).
@Zelderex: eh, I don't think either of them worked. Just going through experiments, may as well here. Flipflopping between being sincere and being "cool".
and eyes are full of death besides
but luckily the soul is wise -
it sees beyond my blindness and
forced failure makes a better guise,
so as i come again alive,
it feels like life's a decent plan
@BlippytheSlug - Very crass poem, but as a self styled vulgarian who acknowledges that filth exists in the world and is very much a viable subject matter, I developed a certain respect for your poem here.
@Sam111111 (how many 1's?) - Normally highly experimental word placement on a page leaves me feeling like I'm reading a "gimmick" of a piece, but this really felt convincing and genuine. "Dissected into meaning and reformed into being" is a line I'm going to file away in my 'Great quotes' folder on my computer. As such, you have my vote.
@Madding - Your poems do bring to mind Edmund Spenser and Alfred Lord Tennyson, and your use of meter is fairly impeccable. Thematically I wasn't blown away, but the word play is very respectable and overall I found your poem an enjoyable read.
@Tezzeret12 - I don't really have an affinity for male on female love/loss poems, so perhaps I am biased when I say that I found this a bit sappy (Don't take offense, it's the same reason why I shy away from John Donne's stuff). I did find this line to be particularly fascinating though: "My mind closes in, My thoughts turn dim"
@DoubleX - Again, the shock value of the title drew me in, but once drawn in, I wasn't captivated. Maybe it's because I expected the final line to rhyme with the second line in the last stanza, because the first stanza had that dynamic. Perhaps I didn't grasp what it was trying to say. Indeed I find this one the hardest to expicate in my head.
Removed the offending stanza, replaced it, and tweaked the lines to fit the new scheme. Definitely works a lot better, and does what I wanted it to do more than just a bit better. Not sure if it's worth posting on Next Week's contest, seeing as it's 70% of the same poem.
Join the Poetry Running Contest!
Tezzeret12's poem is my favorite. It has a couple of cliches, but it's so naively bouncy I can't help but vote for it.
Join the Pure Alliance! For fun, making friends, and the purification of your soul!
Every *TBD*, right here, we discuss cute things over some healthy green tea.