This has now happened to me twice, and I really don't understand it. I'm in High School, and a while ago there was a girl I liked. She liked someone else, but then she told me she was not going to like him anymore and that he was not going to work and that I should ask her out because she'd say yes. I did, and then she said "Well today's a bad day and I need to think, try next week". Me being naive, I did, and the same thing happened--for two months. Finally, I got mad at her and stopped liking her, and she admitted that she had only pretended to like me so that I would keep liking her and "my feelings wouldn't be hurt" (they ended up being hurt far worse by that than by a simple no...)
Now, this exact same thing has happened again with a different girl, except I confronted her after two weeks. She gave the same story of not wanting to hurt me and she didn't like that boy anyway etc...but it eventually came out that she had just pretended to like me.
Why do girls do that? It's cruel, mean, and horrible--and they only do it to naive, nice guys--the popular guys at my school have no such problem. I don't understand. Does anyone else?
I hate teasing girls. My college is full of them. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I suspect that it's happening right now with the girl I'm interested in. I don't think that she's doing it, but as of now the date that I was planning to have with her has been canned because she has to be with her basketball team to get a recruit. This is just the way girls are.
Why do girls do that? It's cruel, mean, and horrible--and they only do it to naive, nice guys--the popular guys at my school have no such problem. I don't understand. Does anyone else?
They either will not care, or not whine about it. If anyone is jerking you around do not put up with it, just move on.
The first time you approach them, they need to "give you the time of day". If they don't, then ditch them. As they say, "So many girls, so little time." This is when you try for the first date or whatever you do. If they cancel this time, its forgivable. Things happen, sometimes at conflicting times.
The next time, if they cancelled or used some other excuse, confront them on it. You're better than them, so let your attitude reflect that. You were respectful to them and they disregarded that respect. (This is quite possibly the reason that so many men lose respect for women).
When you confront them, don't accuse them of lying or blowing you off. Just let them know that you're not interested anymore because they obviously already have too much going on in their life to have time for anyone else.
And remember, a girl that is honest and hurts your feelings is of better moral fiber than one that will lie to you and string you along. Don't get mad if she admits her fault. Let her know that you appreciate the honesty, but you wish she would have been straightforward from the start.
In my experience, younger girls (middle/high school) are somewhat naive about the attention they receive from boys. They don't know why they're getting the attention, but they like it. As such, most of the time they've already gotten what they want from you by the time you ask them on a date. Because of this, they may not realize that they're being hurtful. They find it amusing to get continued attention.
Women do respect confidence, though. When you show that you don't need her, she may realize that you've got a strong personality. You're also taking away the attention that she craves. By doing so, you've gained the power in the relationship. All through High School, I was a bit depressed and very shy. I didn't approach girls because the atmosphere of high school ruined my self-esteem. The girls didn't even notice me, mainly because I had no confidence. Nowadays, I could use women like kleenex if I wanted to. Lucky for them, I'm a better than that.
And don't completely blow her off. She may prove to be a good friend. That's right... You can give up on the romantic love and just be friends with her. If you do this, she just might lower her guard and you could get an inside look at the type of psyche you're interested in. Also, you never know when you might want to fool around with one or more of her friends. If they ask her what she thinks about you and she gives a positive response, then you just got a foot in the door.
Thanks for the advice, it's all really good. The attention seeking thing is actually completely true, and I hadn't thought about it that way before. It'd be interesting to get one of the few women posters to post in this thread with their side.
Thanks for the advice, it's all really good. The attention seeking thing is actually completely true, and I hadn't thought about it that way before. It'd be interesting to get one of the few women posters to post in this thread with their side.
Yes, I'm sure Tneill could give great insight into "Pretending Girls."
This is true. At the moment, i am in a very similar situation with a woman that ive known for a couple years now. We've always been close friends,but a back in april i got sick of it *She was an... unreliable friend at best* and i just told her i didnt want to talk to her agian. We went for 3-4 months without talking, and then she got in contact with me. Now, its a totally different situation, because, im still nice to her, and still supportive, but she knows that if she tries to use or abuse me, i will tell her off and all that; which isn't good concidering me and her are likely moving in together in a few months. She still gets a bit wierd at times, but... there is good reasons for her to be quiet, and out of it lately.
Truthfully, there are two ways to go about the female thing in my experience. Either, show her, without question, that you won't put up with games or her screwing around with you. Or ask the woman out before you can get into a complicated annoying situation.
*Shrug*
P.S. i too would enjoy the female perspective on things.
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The first time you approach them, they need to "give you the time of day". If they don't, then ditch them. As they say, "So many girls, so little time." This is when you try for the first date or whatever you do. If they cancel this time, its forgivable. Things happen, sometimes at conflicting times.
The next time, if they cancelled or used some other excuse, confront them on it. You're better than them, so let your attitude reflect that. You were respectful to them and they disregarded that respect. (This is quite possibly the reason that so many men lose respect for women).
I agree with Topher. They get two chances if you ask them out a second time and it's all vague. Ignore them. If they don't give you the time of day Ignore them. I don't mean forget about them. I mean ignore them. In a group solicite other people's opinions but not her's. She hi to her friends when she's around, but not her.
One of two things will happen, she really didn't like you to begin with and she'll ignore your right back and look your already moving on being social with other people. But more often than it should really be, they'll start talking to you because you've made it clear you don't need her. People are weird like that. Reguardless now that ball is in your court and you have the power of acception and rejection. If she's been acting stupid and you no longer like her, show her how she should be rejecting people in the future, nicely and immediatly. If you still like her, act like it's no big deal that she's talking to you. Then just follow her lead.
Girl: You know I like you.
Guy: Yeah I kind like you too.
Girl: I was confused that you were ignoring me.
Guy: Well I wasn't about to stalk you.
You've shown Confidence, Cool and Maturity. Is this worse than what a girl does? Well If there was some girl who asked me out and i waivered I'd rather having her moving on than hounding me.
I agree with Topher. They get two chances if you ask them out a second time and it's all vague. Ignore them. If they don't give you the time of day Ignore them. I don't mean forget about them. I mean ignore them. In a group solicite other people's opinions but not her's. She hi to her friends when she's around, but not her.
You know this is really bad advice to me. That's more or less doing the most annoying female action (the cold shoulder) right back to them. It doesn't help anything when they do it, so why would it help when you do? If she makes it clear that she doesn't want to start anything, then either be friends with her or kick'er to the curb.
Remember this- girls are bonus. Nothing more. They are an add-on to an already satisfactory life. If you're not happy with your life as it is, a girl is not going to help. Because if you're doing that, then you're using them as a means to an end- specifically, to feel better about yourself. This is not fair to her, and is generally a jackass-y thing to do. And you know what? It may work at first, when you're riding the hormone-induced endorphin overload, but it doesn't address why you were dissatisfied in the first place. This is especially true for younger kids I find, as high-school relationships seem to be very much about status-seeking and upgrading.
I'm not saying that feeling happy about your life will magically cause a girl to enter your life either. Odds are it won't, and certainly not right away. But if one does you will be able to truly enjoy her company for what it is. And if not...well you're already happy so you won't care that you don't have a girl!
Girls are more socially perceptive than guys, strive a bit harder to be more agreeable, even if it means not being straightforward. She's just trying to be nice and avoid conflict. Yes, there are a few girls who use this in a catty way, and everybody has met or dealt with a girl who loved to play head games with people - girls can be very mean this way - but you shouldn't take it personally, it's just a different communication style.
Confronting girls about what they mean when they say or do X might do more harm than good. Mostly because these girls are doing this for the very purpose of avoiding conflict and confrontation. If you reason it out, you can usually come to the right inference and figure out what is happening. In most cases when a girl says "I have something else ahead...I will let you know" or doesn't show up she is trying to be nice about it but really wants to let you know she isn't interested at the time.
Does it mean forever? Maybe, but maybe not. Should you pursue it? No, she is seeking distance from you and reserves the right to make the next move on her own. Does that mean you should just pretend she doesn't exist? No, be polite and social, greet her pleasantly in the hall, but don't tarry. No girl is worth losing your composure, no girl worth chasing who won't ever love you because she is afraid or embarrassed by you, or is in love with another.
edit: Having a fulfilling and interesting life of your own, with your own friends and interests and career prospects, is alluring to girls who might like you. It opens up a whole new world to them, giving you more things to share with them, and more things for you to do to keep yourself busy and engaged when she has other things to do. Right now young people have a lot of anxiety in high school about getting into a good college, getting a good job, and making enough money to suport their lifestyles. If you seem to have things going for you, it proves to them that you will understand their own desires and goals. Understanding that highschool relationships are vulnerable to and secondary to college goals and requirements is also a sign of maturity and necessary outlook for successful dating in high school.
I thought that this was a thread about transvestites...
Anyways, if a girl thinks a guy likes her, and she just wants to be friends, instead of just leading him on, try very hard to make overtures of friendship.
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Originally Posted by Green Arrow Yes I did, I wouldn't fully disagree with chronoplasam. Perhaps I do deserve toture. But who amongst us besides myself has what it takes to toture me?
Originally Posted by Highroller
Compared to what? I think compared to chocolate ice cream, women, unicorns, and kung fu, the state pretty much sucks.
As a girl, I have to say that I agree completely with Morwen. If a guy is a jerk or if I seriously don't like him, I'll tell him so straight away before anything else happens. But there's a class of situations where a guy is really nice, and I'd like to become friends but at the same time I don't want a relationship with him - yet I don't want to hurt his feelings, because that might ruin the tentative friendship we have at the moment. So I'll subconsciously lead him on, without actually realising it until one of my friends gives me a not-so-subtle slap upside the head and tells me to stop it, because everybody else can see exactly what I'm doing even when I can't. In my head, I am making overtures of friendship, but to everybody else it appears to be something quite different - I lead these boys on without ever realising.
And it doesn't help that this tactic has worked for me in the past, with a guy who was so sweet and lovely but who I just didn't feel the same way about. Neither of us ever mentioned the situation, and it eventually dissipated - now we're still good friends. So I guess some part of me feels that this tactic actually works, regardless of how many people I hurt along the way.
So if anybody I've hurt by leading you on is reading this thread (unlikely, but still possible), I apologise.
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As a girl, I have to say that I agree completely with Morwen. If a guy is a jerk or if I seriously don't like him, I'll tell him so straight away before anything else happens. But there's a class of situations where a guy is really nice, and I'd like to become friends but at the same time I don't want a relationship with him - yet I don't want to hurt his feelings, because that might ruin the tentative friendship we have at the moment. So I'll subconsciously lead him on, without actually realising it until one of my friends gives me a not-so-subtle slap upside the head and tells me to stop it, because everybody else can see exactly what I'm doing even when I can't. In my head, I am making overtures of friendship, but to everybody else it appears to be something quite different - I lead these boys on without ever realising.
See, this is where the differences in mindsets between genders are pretty clear. Girls just don't seem to understand that guys are generally very direct in their thought process. They usually very much appreciate honesty and bluntness, especially when they're tired of being jerked around like described in the OP.
You can shut a guy down and still be friends with him- in fact, this is the best way to do so. If you aren't direct and leave room open for him to interpret, he will interpret it the way his hormones want to. So if he still thinks there is a chance of something happening, he will still be attached to that idea. As long as you're friendly and let him know the truth, your friendship should not be at risk. Of course, if he's asking you out when you're considered friends, he should be expecting such an answer anyways.
See, this is where the differences in mindsets between genders are pretty clear. Girls just don't seem to understand that guys are generally very direct in their thought process. They usually very much appreciate honesty and bluntness, especially when they're tired of being jerked around like described in the OP.
You can shut a guy down and still be friends with him- in fact, this is the best way to do so. If you aren't direct and leave room open for him to interpret, he will interpret it the way his hormones want to. So if he still thinks there is a chance of something happening, he will still be attached to that idea. As long as you're friendly and let him know the truth, your friendship should not be at risk. Of course, if he's asking you out when you're considered friends, he should be expecting such an answer anyways.
Another reason girls don't tell guys straight out how they feel is they might be afraid of the guy because he's weird, inappropriate, or unpredictable...
something for girls to think about in light of what sibtiger said about guys interpreting through their hormones. Also something for guys to think about if they're still wondering why almost every girl they talk to is avoiding them while not actually breaking it off.
You can shut a guy down and still be friends with him- in fact, this is the best way to do so. If you aren't direct and leave room open for him to interpret, he will interpret it the way his hormones want to. So if he still thinks there is a chance of something happening, he will still be attached to that idea. As long as you're friendly and let him know the truth, your friendship should not be at risk. Of course, if he's asking you out when you're considered friends, he should be expecting such an answer anyways.
frankly, i'm tired of being friends with some girl i liked/who liked me/is an ex-girlfriend. once you get that brand of "hey, it could have been/was romantic", i would just walk away (cause now it's awkward!), especially if the attraction was over a long time and you were just being tooled around with. ages ago i pulled this girl along on a chain for a year and broke her heart by not asking her to prom. she said, "that's long enough, i'm out," and i didn't see her for a year after that.
You know this is really bad advice to me. That's more or less doing the most annoying female action (the cold shoulder) right back to them.
See all this talk about friends is very nice and all but I don't think most guys want to be friends with most girls. A girl that a guy becomes friends with first for whatever reason, it's importain to maintain that relationship even after a rejection. However, if a guys first reaction to a girl is hey i'd like to date her and not hey i'd like to hang out with her, being friends is not what they guy wants. Girls that I'm friends with I want to be friends with, girls that I want to date that aren't interested in me I'd only want to be friends with if I was in need of more friends.
Of course if the girl is social enough it might be worth becoming her friend so that she can set you up. Of course if she actually has similar interests then it's worth it. Remember you always have to ask yourself, what can this person do for me and what can I do for this person.
Why do girls do that? It's cruel, mean, and horrible--and they only do it to naive, nice guys--the popular guys at my school have no such problem. I don't understand. Does anyone else?
1. Girls are indeed mean and horrible creatures. Welcome to the world.
2. Don't despair at the apparent success of the "popular" guys. 15 years from now, when you will have a big house, two cars, and a smoking-hot wife, they'll ask you if you'd like fries with that.
In societies like ours, the female members tend to cope with a slightly different social environment than their male counteparts. As such, they usually develop some different social skills and responses. Not to get too into detail, but it seems likely that she just wanted to spare your feelings. She will probably want to turn you down in such a way as to not call attention to it, not only to make it easier for you, but to save face and to not seem mean.
It may seem cruel to you for her to not be straightforward, since you'd rather just know the truth. But she's outside of you, and so doesn't truly know your needs and feelings, and isn't trying to be unkind. It's understandable that this would upset you (no one likes being in the dark), but she probably doesn't realize that. Asking her right up front what is going on might make you feel better, and could be better in the long run, but as SnoopDogg said, it's probably what she is trying to avoid (i.e. bringing more attention to the scenario).
There is a tendency to answer this type of question by ascribing her behavior to her femaleness in some way. But truthfully, this is by no means a strictly "female" phenomenon. Boys will often do this too when it comes to turning someone down. Romantic/potentially romantic relationships tend to have different dynamics than "ordinary" friendships. One may think that because one's male friends always seem straightforward, that males tend to truly be so when it comes to suitors or significant others. However, it is often not the case. I have known several boys who would do the same as this young lady you speak of, and not necessarily because they were particularly feminine.
It seems a lot of the time, we don't always know how to act in these kinds of situations, boy or girl, especially when we are young and still maturing. In my limited experience with such relationships, I have sometimes "lead on" certain people in a similar way - in other words, either I couldn't muster the courage to tell them the whole truth, or I wasn't sure of the whole truth yet myself. And it's true that I'm a girl (basically ), but like I said, I know a lot of guys very closely and many of them have operated similarly in the past.
It is often hard for us to really understand each others' feelings. She, no doubt, sees this situation in a very different light than you do. When we are young and fairly innocent, we may not realize the subtleties going on. Just keep your senses open and pay attention to what may be going on in other peoples' heads. It's often still hard to understand people, even as an adult, but it gets easier.
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All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
1. Girls are indeed mean and horrible creatures. Welcome to the world.
2. Don't despair at the apparent success of the "popular" guys. 15 years from now, when you will have a big house, two cars, and a smoking-hot wife, they'll ask you if you'd like fries with that.
Great job treating women like objects dude! Keep it up, I'm sure the ladiez will be crawling all over you between that and you posting on a forum for magic the gathering.
theres a range of advice i could give you, but to narrow it down.
1. be yourself and things will work out
2. learn from these pretending girls so you can recognize similar situations in the future, BUT
3. dont get bitter and give up, things will work out and high school is probably the hardest dating environment you will face, ie, it gets WAY easier.
I like the girl perspective, and the discussion is really interesting. As a piece of advice to girls, if you don't like a guy, even if he is nice, it's far, far kinder to shut him down than lead him on. No matter what you think about his feelings.
Great job treating women like objects dude! Keep it up, I'm sure the ladiez will be crawling all over you between that and you posting on a forum for magic the gathering.
1. Buy a sense of humor. It's affordable and you may find it useful. If you can't afford to buy, just rent it for a test-period.
2. I don't need ladies crawling over me, I'm married.
1. Buy a sense of humor. It's affordable and you may find it useful. If you can't afford to buy, just rent it for a test-period.
2. I don't need ladies crawling over me, I'm married.
1. I mistook your sense of humor for what 95% of users on a Magic the Gathering forum actually believe.
I can definately relate to you dragon, I'm a senior in high school, and girls have always seemed to jerk me around. You remember that kid in elementary school everyone made fun of? that was me. I've come a long way from that but people still haven't forgotten those times and for some reason everyone seems to keep kicking me in the shins for it. So the chances a girl will talk to me without mocking me or go out with me before I Graduate=%0
Just try not to worry about it and remember high school is only a short time in our lives. and the best way to get people to like you in high school is to have a kick-ass senior prank. BTW, Anyone have any advice on getting keys from a faculty member, or silently moving heavy equipment in the middle of the night? I kid you not folks,send help.
Well, first off, I'm a girl... so here's another girl persepctive.
While I'm not this kind of girl, I know a number of them, and picking them out is fairly simple if you know what to look for.
First, the types that are pretty much nice (or trying to be nice) to everyone. This is because they're afraid of rejection, so they try to please everyone at the same time. As you might have guessed, this doesn't work too well. Some of them aren't aware of the pain they're causing because they're too busy trying to make sure that they're not being upsetting. Make sense?
Second, there are girls that aren't sure. Sometimes, when a girl hears that a guy is interested, she has to differenciate between her thrill of new attention and if she actually has an attraction to the guy. It can be hard to tell, and in some cases, can take a girl a little while to figure out. Completely ignoring her will tell you if she's just after attention, but completely confuse her if she ends up sharing your feelings. In the end, she may decide she does like you, but do nothing about it because you've seemed to lose interest.
Personally, I've been asked out and confronted by a few guys I knew I had no interest in, and I told them that.
It may not be so much as girls pretending to like you as it is that they are confused about their own feelings (again, whether they really like you or just the attention you give them), and more often than not, they don't realize how cruel they're being. Just don't be bitter or anything. You'll meet someone someday.
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Now, this exact same thing has happened again with a different girl, except I confronted her after two weeks. She gave the same story of not wanting to hurt me and she didn't like that boy anyway etc...but it eventually came out that she had just pretended to like me.
Why do girls do that? It's cruel, mean, and horrible--and they only do it to naive, nice guys--the popular guys at my school have no such problem. I don't understand. Does anyone else?
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They either will not care, or not whine about it. If anyone is jerking you around do not put up with it, just move on.
The first time you approach them, they need to "give you the time of day". If they don't, then ditch them. As they say, "So many girls, so little time." This is when you try for the first date or whatever you do. If they cancel this time, its forgivable. Things happen, sometimes at conflicting times.
The next time, if they cancelled or used some other excuse, confront them on it. You're better than them, so let your attitude reflect that. You were respectful to them and they disregarded that respect. (This is quite possibly the reason that so many men lose respect for women).
When you confront them, don't accuse them of lying or blowing you off. Just let them know that you're not interested anymore because they obviously already have too much going on in their life to have time for anyone else.
And remember, a girl that is honest and hurts your feelings is of better moral fiber than one that will lie to you and string you along. Don't get mad if she admits her fault. Let her know that you appreciate the honesty, but you wish she would have been straightforward from the start.
In my experience, younger girls (middle/high school) are somewhat naive about the attention they receive from boys. They don't know why they're getting the attention, but they like it. As such, most of the time they've already gotten what they want from you by the time you ask them on a date. Because of this, they may not realize that they're being hurtful. They find it amusing to get continued attention.
Women do respect confidence, though. When you show that you don't need her, she may realize that you've got a strong personality. You're also taking away the attention that she craves. By doing so, you've gained the power in the relationship. All through High School, I was a bit depressed and very shy. I didn't approach girls because the atmosphere of high school ruined my self-esteem. The girls didn't even notice me, mainly because I had no confidence. Nowadays, I could use women like kleenex if I wanted to. Lucky for them, I'm a better than that.
And don't completely blow her off. She may prove to be a good friend. That's right... You can give up on the romantic love and just be friends with her. If you do this, she just might lower her guard and you could get an inside look at the type of psyche you're interested in. Also, you never know when you might want to fool around with one or more of her friends. If they ask her what she thinks about you and she gives a positive response, then you just got a foot in the door.
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Yes, I'm sure Tneill could give great insight into "Pretending Girls."
Spam/Flame warning. -Nex
Truthfully, there are two ways to go about the female thing in my experience. Either, show her, without question, that you won't put up with games or her screwing around with you. Or ask the woman out before you can get into a complicated annoying situation.
*Shrug*
P.S. i too would enjoy the female perspective on things.
I agree with Topher. They get two chances if you ask them out a second time and it's all vague. Ignore them. If they don't give you the time of day Ignore them. I don't mean forget about them. I mean ignore them. In a group solicite other people's opinions but not her's. She hi to her friends when she's around, but not her.
One of two things will happen, she really didn't like you to begin with and she'll ignore your right back and look your already moving on being social with other people. But more often than it should really be, they'll start talking to you because you've made it clear you don't need her. People are weird like that. Reguardless now that ball is in your court and you have the power of acception and rejection. If she's been acting stupid and you no longer like her, show her how she should be rejecting people in the future, nicely and immediatly. If you still like her, act like it's no big deal that she's talking to you. Then just follow her lead.
Girl: You know I like you.
Guy: Yeah I kind like you too.
Girl: I was confused that you were ignoring me.
Guy: Well I wasn't about to stalk you.
You've shown Confidence, Cool and Maturity. Is this worse than what a girl does? Well If there was some girl who asked me out and i waivered I'd rather having her moving on than hounding me.
You know this is really bad advice to me. That's more or less doing the most annoying female action (the cold shoulder) right back to them. It doesn't help anything when they do it, so why would it help when you do? If she makes it clear that she doesn't want to start anything, then either be friends with her or kick'er to the curb.
Remember this- girls are bonus. Nothing more. They are an add-on to an already satisfactory life. If you're not happy with your life as it is, a girl is not going to help. Because if you're doing that, then you're using them as a means to an end- specifically, to feel better about yourself. This is not fair to her, and is generally a jackass-y thing to do. And you know what? It may work at first, when you're riding the hormone-induced endorphin overload, but it doesn't address why you were dissatisfied in the first place. This is especially true for younger kids I find, as high-school relationships seem to be very much about status-seeking and upgrading.
I'm not saying that feeling happy about your life will magically cause a girl to enter your life either. Odds are it won't, and certainly not right away. But if one does you will be able to truly enjoy her company for what it is. And if not...well you're already happy so you won't care that you don't have a girl!
Confronting girls about what they mean when they say or do X might do more harm than good. Mostly because these girls are doing this for the very purpose of avoiding conflict and confrontation. If you reason it out, you can usually come to the right inference and figure out what is happening. In most cases when a girl says "I have something else ahead...I will let you know" or doesn't show up she is trying to be nice about it but really wants to let you know she isn't interested at the time.
Does it mean forever? Maybe, but maybe not. Should you pursue it? No, she is seeking distance from you and reserves the right to make the next move on her own. Does that mean you should just pretend she doesn't exist? No, be polite and social, greet her pleasantly in the hall, but don't tarry. No girl is worth losing your composure, no girl worth chasing who won't ever love you because she is afraid or embarrassed by you, or is in love with another.
edit: Having a fulfilling and interesting life of your own, with your own friends and interests and career prospects, is alluring to girls who might like you. It opens up a whole new world to them, giving you more things to share with them, and more things for you to do to keep yourself busy and engaged when she has other things to do. Right now young people have a lot of anxiety in high school about getting into a good college, getting a good job, and making enough money to suport their lifestyles. If you seem to have things going for you, it proves to them that you will understand their own desires and goals. Understanding that highschool relationships are vulnerable to and secondary to college goals and requirements is also a sign of maturity and necessary outlook for successful dating in high school.
Anyways, if a girl thinks a guy likes her, and she just wants to be friends, instead of just leading him on, try very hard to make overtures of friendship.
now begins the thousand years of REIGN OF BLOOD!
And it doesn't help that this tactic has worked for me in the past, with a guy who was so sweet and lovely but who I just didn't feel the same way about. Neither of us ever mentioned the situation, and it eventually dissipated - now we're still good friends. So I guess some part of me feels that this tactic actually works, regardless of how many people I hurt along the way.
So if anybody I've hurt by leading you on is reading this thread (unlikely, but still possible), I apologise.
See, this is where the differences in mindsets between genders are pretty clear. Girls just don't seem to understand that guys are generally very direct in their thought process. They usually very much appreciate honesty and bluntness, especially when they're tired of being jerked around like described in the OP.
You can shut a guy down and still be friends with him- in fact, this is the best way to do so. If you aren't direct and leave room open for him to interpret, he will interpret it the way his hormones want to. So if he still thinks there is a chance of something happening, he will still be attached to that idea. As long as you're friendly and let him know the truth, your friendship should not be at risk. Of course, if he's asking you out when you're considered friends, he should be expecting such an answer anyways.
Another reason girls don't tell guys straight out how they feel is they might be afraid of the guy because he's weird, inappropriate, or unpredictable...
something for girls to think about in light of what sibtiger said about guys interpreting through their hormones. Also something for guys to think about if they're still wondering why almost every girl they talk to is avoiding them while not actually breaking it off.
frankly, i'm tired of being friends with some girl i liked/who liked me/is an ex-girlfriend. once you get that brand of "hey, it could have been/was romantic", i would just walk away (cause now it's awkward!), especially if the attraction was over a long time and you were just being tooled around with. ages ago i pulled this girl along on a chain for a year and broke her heart by not asking her to prom. she said, "that's long enough, i'm out," and i didn't see her for a year after that.
and as far as this is concerned, who truly gives up hope?
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See all this talk about friends is very nice and all but I don't think most guys want to be friends with most girls. A girl that a guy becomes friends with first for whatever reason, it's importain to maintain that relationship even after a rejection. However, if a guys first reaction to a girl is hey i'd like to date her and not hey i'd like to hang out with her, being friends is not what they guy wants. Girls that I'm friends with I want to be friends with, girls that I want to date that aren't interested in me I'd only want to be friends with if I was in need of more friends.
Of course if the girl is social enough it might be worth becoming her friend so that she can set you up. Of course if she actually has similar interests then it's worth it. Remember you always have to ask yourself, what can this person do for me and what can I do for this person.
1. Girls are indeed mean and horrible creatures. Welcome to the world.
2. Don't despair at the apparent success of the "popular" guys. 15 years from now, when you will have a big house, two cars, and a smoking-hot wife, they'll ask you if you'd like fries with that.
It may seem cruel to you for her to not be straightforward, since you'd rather just know the truth. But she's outside of you, and so doesn't truly know your needs and feelings, and isn't trying to be unkind. It's understandable that this would upset you (no one likes being in the dark), but she probably doesn't realize that. Asking her right up front what is going on might make you feel better, and could be better in the long run, but as SnoopDogg said, it's probably what she is trying to avoid (i.e. bringing more attention to the scenario).
There is a tendency to answer this type of question by ascribing her behavior to her femaleness in some way. But truthfully, this is by no means a strictly "female" phenomenon. Boys will often do this too when it comes to turning someone down. Romantic/potentially romantic relationships tend to have different dynamics than "ordinary" friendships. One may think that because one's male friends always seem straightforward, that males tend to truly be so when it comes to suitors or significant others. However, it is often not the case. I have known several boys who would do the same as this young lady you speak of, and not necessarily because they were particularly feminine.
It seems a lot of the time, we don't always know how to act in these kinds of situations, boy or girl, especially when we are young and still maturing. In my limited experience with such relationships, I have sometimes "lead on" certain people in a similar way - in other words, either I couldn't muster the courage to tell them the whole truth, or I wasn't sure of the whole truth yet myself. And it's true that I'm a girl (basically ), but like I said, I know a lot of guys very closely and many of them have operated similarly in the past.
It is often hard for us to really understand each others' feelings. She, no doubt, sees this situation in a very different light than you do. When we are young and fairly innocent, we may not realize the subtleties going on. Just keep your senses open and pay attention to what may be going on in other peoples' heads. It's often still hard to understand people, even as an adult, but it gets easier.
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All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
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Great job treating women like objects dude! Keep it up, I'm sure the ladiez will be crawling all over you between that and you posting on a forum for magic the gathering.
1. be yourself and things will work out
2. learn from these pretending girls so you can recognize similar situations in the future, BUT
3. dont get bitter and give up, things will work out and high school is probably the hardest dating environment you will face, ie, it gets WAY easier.
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1. Buy a sense of humor. It's affordable and you may find it useful. If you can't afford to buy, just rent it for a test-period.
2. I don't need ladies crawling over me, I'm married.
1. I mistook your sense of humor for what 95% of users on a Magic the Gathering forum actually believe.
2. Sorry.
Just try not to worry about it and remember high school is only a short time in our lives. and the best way to get people to like you in high school is to have a kick-ass senior prank. BTW, Anyone have any advice on getting keys from a faculty member, or silently moving heavy equipment in the middle of the night? I kid you not folks,send help.
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While I'm not this kind of girl, I know a number of them, and picking them out is fairly simple if you know what to look for.
First, the types that are pretty much nice (or trying to be nice) to everyone. This is because they're afraid of rejection, so they try to please everyone at the same time. As you might have guessed, this doesn't work too well. Some of them aren't aware of the pain they're causing because they're too busy trying to make sure that they're not being upsetting. Make sense?
Second, there are girls that aren't sure. Sometimes, when a girl hears that a guy is interested, she has to differenciate between her thrill of new attention and if she actually has an attraction to the guy. It can be hard to tell, and in some cases, can take a girl a little while to figure out. Completely ignoring her will tell you if she's just after attention, but completely confuse her if she ends up sharing your feelings. In the end, she may decide she does like you, but do nothing about it because you've seemed to lose interest.
Personally, I've been asked out and confronted by a few guys I knew I had no interest in, and I told them that.
It may not be so much as girls pretending to like you as it is that they are confused about their own feelings (again, whether they really like you or just the attention you give them), and more often than not, they don't realize how cruel they're being. Just don't be bitter or anything. You'll meet someone someday.